The subtle art of not giving a fuckWhy We Should Be Setting Boundaries

Just came home from catching up with a friend I haven’t seen for a while and we got into a discussion about why we should be setting boundaries.

She urged me to share my thoughts and so I’ve jumped on it and hope that it can touch you and inspire you into action.

Over the years I’ve had a few traumatic experiences, as have many and what I learnt is that I do have a certain amount of control.

Whilst none of us can completely control everything that happens around us we can choose how we react to it and get the necessary help we need to minimise the negative effects.

You have two choices: you can choose to be the VICTIM or the VICTOR!

I am not judging anyone for the choice they make in any way because everyone’s circumstances are different.

The sole reason why we should be setting boundaries is because you will come out as the VICTOR in every situation.

Setting boundaries simply means setting clear guidelines for how you are willing to be treated and having the same amount of respect in turn for others.

These boundaries are necessary for every relationship we have, especially those closest to us.

YOU and only you can decide what you will and wont accept. If you do this nicely, without any aggression most people with accept it and if they don’t, then they’re not the people you should have in your life.

It works better if you do this from day one but in the case of family and other close relationships, open discussion is important. Sometimes they don’t even realise what they’re doing because you have accepted it for too long.

I’m often hearing some awful situations of how loved ones treat each other and whilst it is a harsh reality, we have to accept some of the responsibility because we have not put a stop to it.

I’m not saying it’s easy, and in every instance it’s important to verbalise the issue. There may come a time though, as has happened to me, that you do need to decide to walk away. Why? Because the more you swallow bad behavior, this becomes toxic to you not only physically but mentally. You only have to see the statistics on how many people are using anti-depressants to know that this is true.

I saw a great quote recently; “Learn to be done, NOT mad, Not bothered, Just DONE. Protect your PEACE at all cost!” How good is that? Forget trying to seek revenge on others, or being happy when bad things happen to those who have hurt you. By seeking revenge, or having negative thoughts about them, they are dragging you down to their level. Just be DONE!

How to say noIt’s so important to seek the help of a mental health specialist in these grave situations just as you would your own family doctor when you have physical pain.

There is no stigma attached. It’s a great gift to yourself and your mental health. Your friends are not always the best people to talk to because they may not help you see everything in perspective.

Learn to see the signs in people who can easily drag you down. Often those that hurt us, when confronted will become the victim.

Run! They will drown you with their woes and have you feeling guilty for how they have treated you.

Over time when you see a pattern of negative behaviours, draw the line and stay clear of these people and the dramas they try to involve you in.

Never look to blame others for what they’ve done to you. Yes they may have wronged you but use your energy to seek help to rectify your own physical and mental health, which has been damaged. Be positive and make sure those around you are positive.

You don’t have to be rude, but you can subtly close the door on their negativity.

Never try to convince them that they are wrong. There’s a great quote “A man convinced against his will, will be of the same opinion still.” Don’t bother. Let them think what they think. You can’t change them so change you!

You will find in time, with the right support, your positivity will out shine all the negatives, you will be surrounded by all the right people and they will know and respect your boundaries.

Click on these great books, which will really help you understand why we should be setting boundaries.

Visit my shop https://www.annacarniato.com/shop/ and feel free to email me with any questions you may have.
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Look Feel Live Your Best and Decide Today to Live for Tomorrow

Always Anna